Welcome Back
Does anyone even read blogs anymore? I don’t remember the last time I read a blog besides scrolling to the bottom of one to FINALLY get the dang measurements for a recipe.
Anyways, here’s a blog about our current situation and how it relates to my journey on social media.
The last blog I made featured Christmas…A lot has changed since then.
We started the year strong by booking a trip to Mexico in January for our son’s third birthday. He is our little miracle baby and made in Mexico - so it only made sense to finally get on a plane after years of not being allowed to travel.
To recap, the trip got cancelled due to weather so I booked another all inclusive vacation in the hotel hallway. We took a voucher for our original trip which we used in May. My visa was not looking too great but YOLO. We arrived home and our hearts were exploding with joy after watching our son run on the beach. I also secretly hoped that maybe Mexico was the ticket to making babies - it isn't. Darren returned to work on Tuesday and BOOM! Life smacked us hard. The local lumber mill that basically funds our town is shutting down and potentially rebuilding. Everything we knew and relied on was gone in a blink of an eye. As much as I have poured my heart into our home to create a life I longed for, it is harder to think about having to leave our family and move away.
The voucher trip in May was a blessing in disguise - It was Darren’s first week of being unemployed and I just got laid off from my job as a weigh master (Weighing logging trucks to come into the mill). We had funds to keep our heads above water for awhile. Thankfully, Darren found a temporary job that runs until January pending the mills decision.
Are you still with me? …
Personally, all of these changes allowed me to reflect on my career and journey on social media - A lot of reflection and decision making has happened lately…almost too much and I am mentally exhausted.
I am going to switch gears here and share some of my thoughts I have had when it comes to my path on social media / being a creator:
After coming to the realization we might have to sell our home (if it sells) and move…I found myself thinking a lot about my direction on social media. Should I keep going on instagram? Should I save money by deleting my web page? Maybe I’m just not a good influencer? Can I provide for our family if I try harder? Do people even read blogs?….Maybe I need to throw in the towel. EXCEPT! I am not a quitter (which is why I still need some sort of nicotine to get through my day). If there is ONE thing about my personality type that is defining, it is that I am stubborn (sometimes this is a good thing as it drives me to keep going).
I was strapped onto the struggle bus hoping it would drop me the fuck off soon.
Growing up, I couldn't commit to a career because I only wanted a family and a place to call home. I didn’t want to pick a career that would interfere with my role as a mother. Ass backwards, I know, but I felt how I felt. Basically, anything I was going to do in life had to be something that allowed me more time with the son I waited for, James. We set our life up so that I could stay home with him but after he was a year old I needed something for myself. The first year of becoming his mother was a beautiful fucking nightmare. He stripped me down to my core and I had to rebuild who I was. PS: I like this version of myself much better - thank you James.
Enter: Instagram.
I started my page on instagram seeking a creative outlet. I spent a few months watching influencers/creators doing what I would be doing and started my page. For the first year and a half, I tried it all…LTK, Blogging, Instagram, Cross posting to my pinterest, staying very busy with projects to have new content, learning about media kits, networking, pitching to brands, contracts and more. I really liked what I was doing but it needed some fine tuning…
The hard part for me is…I think too much and hard about even talking on my stories. All I can think to myself is who the hell cares?! WHO CARES!? Then I start to feel guilty that I am adding to your instagram feed which keeps you from living REAL LIFE. The flip side of the coin I need to remember is I like instagram as a consumer too - There are some accounts that are so different from mine and I love sitting down to zone out and follow their day. So, I might not be everyones cup of tea or the most frequently served, but I am someones cup of tea.
Holy fuck, I burnt myself out so bad trying to figure out my corner of the Internet. I realized I can do anything but not everything. I also realized that my home was looking a lot like everyone else’s home (even I got influenced becoming an influencer - hahah). After giving myself some time to reflect, I started focussing on the things I loved about being on social media. However, focusing on the things I love also meant focusing on the things I didn’t love while keeping our current situation in mind. I felt lost on social media, lost in our life situation but oddly, more found in who I was now after being stripped to my core.
Having a project is at the top of the list of “I LOVE”, but I couldn’t afford anymore DIY’s since our life changed. I had, and some days have, zero motivation to do anything because my mind is usually spiralling wondering if we have to leave our home and family. I thought if I worked harder, maybe I could build an income here? But, I couldn’t land sponsored posts having a “small” account. Eventually, I contemplated deleting everything to do with My Navy Home because I felt like I wasn’t reaching goals or providing for my family. How am I supposed to frolic around with my phone taking pictures of my house when all I can think about is losing it? How do I show up on stories and talk about a pretty pillow when inside I’m stressed to the max? Oh… right…the other side of the coin!
TRYING is what matters. In any form, trying at something will get you closer to what you want than if you didn’t try at all.
SO, I picked up a camera after recognizing I love taking photos of spaces, moments and video content. I started showing up more in my stories while not caring if anyone else cares and I remembered what it means to simply try.
TODAY, I am less of my stripped down self. Little did I know, I would have thousands of people watch me change so much on their screens too. I never was one to be vulnerable but I think it allowed me to grow more into who I am today. Having our world shaken up made me re-evaluate what matters to me and I now know how to use my creative energy. I know I can do it all but I don’t want to. I want to create for the platforms I love and I want more connection with my online community because of the great friendships I have built.
Looking back at my first year on instagram, I don’t know how I did all those projects with Darren working an extremely demanding job and a toddler. But what I do know is we can do hard things.
One day, I hope to look back at this blog entry and remind myself of the changes we walked through and trust in the process of simply trying.
Oh right…can’t forget the recipe at the bottom .
CREPES:
3/4 cup Flour
2 tablespoons Sugar
Pinch of salt
1 cup of milk
2 eggs
2 tablespoons of butter, melted
XO Kayla